Sold! There, I’m going to say it. No jinxing for me.

Sunday afternoon we got a full price offer (plus $100 for good measure) contingent on an inspection in the next week or so here. We move to Oregon next month! There is so much to do, but everything is an adventure from here on out.

Weird. I don’t know what’s going on with the house right now. Our realtor called us this morning saying “Oh, by the way, someone wants to see your house this morning and I told them ok a while ago.” So we scrambled to clean up. The person walked through and then about twenty minutes later pretty much offered us our full asking price (on the condition that her parents walk through tomorrow morning). So, it’s all a little dicey, trying not to offend anyone or lose our initial offer while we wait for these parents to come through. Full price though. It’d definitely be nice to have that extra two grand in hand. This second person’s finances also seem to be in a little better shape. Guess it’ll all be roughly sorted out by tomorrow afternoon.

Coming back from an afternoon in Holland we got a call from our realtor. And an offer on our house. It’s a solid, clean offer and we’re accepting it with only a few minor changes on an addendum. So, if all goes well and the buyer is fine with the changes and his finances are approved, we’ll be closing on August 18.

OK, just to finish my thought from yesterday. I was listening to disc two and thinking about how it sucks to be emotionally invested in a paycheck and pondering how one goes about avoiding that when Lauryn Hill started to ramble through my car speakers…

It’s like we all think that the gospel is joining church building. And that’s deception. You know? The real gospel is repent, which means let go of all that crap that’s killing you. Life is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, not this torment. You know? And when I realized that I was tormenting myself, it was about my lust. You know? It wasn’t things that I needed. It was just, you know, all these security blankets. I mean the more I acquired the more I became a prisoner.

…

A friend of mine says that every tub has to stand on its own bottom. You know? And in that respect we all get to do what our passion is. See, that’s what praising God is all about. It’s doing your passion. You know? It’s not useless, worthless ritual. You know? Monotonous ritual where we just show up and can’t wait to see the game. You know, it’s doing your passion. You know? That’s how we’re thankful. That’s how we say we appreciate the opportunity to be alive. You know, I’m just, I’m glad that I don’t have to slave any more.

She goes on like this for a while talking about being yourself and not fitting in other’s boxes and standards and so forth. It’s a little trite I suppose, but I think she means it, and I think she’s got the right idea. How I avoid becoming invested in the ritual and security of pay day is to shift that investment into something I love. I’ll be happier in the eight hour shift and in the long haul.

Happier in the long haul means living with purpose. In my mid-twenties here I’ve started to spend a little more time working on some of my own worldviews. Trying to get a little bit outside of those other-constructed value systems and beliefs. Trying to do a little solo mind exploration. And when I say “started” that’s really all it is. There’s so much to see and read and interact with.

For a few weeks there I was on a big Buddhism kick, picking up books on Zen and meditation and comparitive analysis’s of Christian and Buddhist teachings. And I really was fascinated by what I read. Because it jived was what I’ve experienced and wasn’t just something that an authority figure told me was true when I eleven. I want to know more and can’t wait to jump back into that line of exploration.

Dan and I have had few discussions along these lines during down time at the pool. Nothing too deep, mind you. Mostly just voicing frustrations with our experiences growing up in a rigid Christian reformed setting. Frustrations with arrogance and closemindedness of many Christians we’ve interacted with. It bothers me because it comes across to me as a stupid man’s religion if it shuns other opinions as inherently wrong and doesn’t encourage it’s youth to question (or at least expose the youth to other opinions). Maybe that was just my experience given about seventeen straight years of Christain Reformed schooling and church.

Or maybe it’s that natural human tendency to at some point rebel against what your elders teach you. I complain about the rigidity of Christianity and how I don’t like rules dictating what I should or shouldn’t believe in if I want to keep from toasting my feet in Hell, but maybe if I’d grown up without that outline, I’d be seeking that structure right now. Don’t know.

Regardless, I’m where I’m at and I like statements like Hill’s when she puts out one of great purposes in life as to live passionately. It’s not inherently judgemental and regardless of what religious title you happen to fall under it makes sense. I don’t think you can argue with whatever God or Spirit created you with your own unique gifts wanting you to use those gifts and revel in them.

I’m not close to figuring this all out (just check out the sprawl on those previous paragraphs), but I’d like to think that if I can at least start with this point and at least try to direct my actions to mindfully using my gifts, that something good will follow. Once I’ve got my mind in the right place and can wake up feeling pretty good about the direction my life is taking, then I can starting working on the other half-billion questions that everyone else is trying to figure out as well.

Mary tells me that Lauryn Hill doesn’t want white people listening to her music. I tried to look this up on Google through a filtered Internet connection at the library tonight and gave up after running into bunch of hate sites.

I bring this up because I don’t hate Lauryn Hill or her music. Miseducation will always remind me of my sophmore semester at Wabash when “Doo Wop (That Thing)” was everywhere and not too annoying. I picked up MTV Unplugged No 2.0 from the library a couple of days ago and, while the replay value probably isn’t too high, it’s a neat little listen a couple of times through.

I can’t tell if the honestly bit she’s pushing is entirely legit but she definitely sells it well while crying on at least one song and emotionally cracking her voice repeatedly on most of the others. I guess whether it’s legit or not, I do like her theme of be yourself, trust your dreams, and all that jive.

Disc two was playing in my cd player as I was driving home from my team meeting this morning. I had just made my official retirement announcement to the team to the response of mostly blank faces (though they all knew already). So I was feeling a little melancholy but I wasn’t entirely sure why. And I thought about it a little more and thought it’s certainly not due to missing this job or my coworkers or the hours or the stress or the twenty minute drive. Maybe a little from missing hanging out with the kids.

Anyway, I figured out the melancholy and I think it’s at least seventy-five percent due to missing my steady paycheck. That feeling that every two weeks I would have a consistent chunk of money direct deposited in my bank account. It’s unfortunate that I’ve tied my self-worth into how financially secure I feel. I’d like to get away from that somehow.