When I was a kid I would form these attachments to my possessions that bordered on obsessive. Skateboarding around my neighborhood, I’d wear my Converse All-Stars ragged and put gaping holes in the knees of my jeans, then freak out when I found out that I needed to get something new/respectable to replace my threadbare clothes. It wasn’t because I couldn’t grow to love that new thing (I always did), it was just that the familiar was comfortable and held my memories and it seemed wrong to throw away something that I liked just because it had taken on a slightly more entropic form.
I feel kind of like that these days. I look at the things I enjoy around me and feel sad to be losing them. The nostalgia is weighing heavy. I have talked so long about getting away from this city and into a setting where I can experience grandeur and have more opportunities for outdoor play (and really I am excited to be doing this), but as the departure date approaches I really do find myself looking at places and activities through blue-colored glasses (or whatever color nostalgia-inducing glasses might be).
I love my twice-weekly basketball game. Love it. The people I play with are friendly, nonjudgmental, and down to earth, but still play at their limits creating an environment of competitiveness and hard work. It’s a great fun way to get two hours of hard exercise and probably will be hard to replicate in a new city (I’ve played at public gyms before and it’s definitely not the same). There are a lot of little senses of security like that that will be missed. Having a basketball game that I know I like. Fun and exercise security. Shoot, just having access to an enormous gym will be tough to lose. I have my own set of keys to a full-sized basketball court. How great is that? If I’ve got a hankering at two in the morning to go shoot around, theoretically I could do so.
But, really I am mostly just excited. There will be a new pair of All-Stars break to in and the nuances will come.
Savor the nostalgia too–it’s a gift to appreciate what you have while you still have it. There will be sweetness in the memories, even as you make new discoveries. And for all the excitement and sadness that goodbyes bring, life does move on and we each have a story to live out in the days we’re given. I like hearing you talk about the jeans and the Converse All Stars though–you were always such a bear to shop for/with. The rattier the clothes got the more tightly you clung to them. I always saw it as a kind of loyalty–not a bad thing at all. Will you need to bring back any boxes to my attic? Just let me know. You’re welcome to whatever corner we can find for them up there.
I still am a bear to shop for/with. Constantly indecisive and second-guessing. Fewer tantrums these days though.